Last night I felt like my heart was being torn into. I try to live by two rules “love G-D and love people”, and the other one is “Don’t worry about it.” Last night love G-D and love people was pushed to the test. I had to decide between telling a homeless person he could no longer crash at my house and he had to move back out into the cold, or the let him stay and push the mental and general comfort/safety of my roommates 5 of which are girls who didn’t feel safe being in the house by themselves when he is here and six are guys all but one were annoyed with him taking advantage of our generosity. The choice of who to be loving too killed me. I know my friend and fam come first but throwing someone into the cold just breaks my heart. It took me an entire night and day of wrestling with the choice before i could bring my self to tell him he had to go. I let him know he could still hang out its not that we don’t want to be his friend. Its just he can’t stay at the house when no one is here and he can’t crash with out being invited. It’s tuff to be loving even when it’s hard.
For as long as I Can remember one of the characters I’ve always wanted to be Peter Pan. Flying around fighting pirates and rescuing forgotten children and finding them homes. Making every day an adventure, playing, having fun, telling stories and laughing. So far its been close to what I would expect, with a few rough patches. Like December 9th 2007 my world was turned up side down and torn to shreds. I don’t think I would of made it if my Heavenly Father wasn’t there to hold me close and tell me he loves me. I’ slowly being restored to the child I was before but know with a little bit more knowledge of living a broken life. I find i have more compassion for hurting people as I journey through this season of rediscovery find out who I am now and what no longer makes me me. And yes I am never gonna grow up. I will still dream big and strive for the impossible my Father will be there to catch me when I fall.